


What's in a Name?

by le_paquet_fou



Series: Growing Pains [5]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, No Beta We Die Like Clones, a little survivors guilt sprinkled in too, and a good dose of trauma, mentions of past character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28125195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/le_paquet_fou/pseuds/le_paquet_fou
Summary: 67 has been with Cody's squad for a year now. Progress has been made between him and Cody, but one night Cody accidentally discovers a painful secret and comes to realise there's more to a name than he originally thought.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex
Series: Growing Pains [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2130072
Comments: 13
Kudos: 62
Collections: AOJAOP Universe





	1. Worry

Cody couldn’t sleep. He’d been laying on his back and staring up at the darkness above him, but his eyes never closed. Tomorrow his squad was leaving Kamino, actually leaving, to train and get used to different planets and terrains without the simulation rooms. He was ecstatic, of course, as was Nova, Pinball, and Tripwire, but 67 has had a blank look on his face since they were told.

Cody had just started to get through to him. As the months passed, he started to see more smiles, and he saw glimpses of a side to him that the others never would have thought 67 could have. A fun-loving, playful,  _ happy _ side. He earns eye-rolls and glares as he lists off name after name after name for him to try out, and small laughs escape when they’re alone together. It makes Cody feel warm, and he swore early on to guard those precious moments with his life. But, now it looks like all that progress is slipping away.

He’d tried asking 67 about what was bothering him after their instructor dismissed them, but he had dodged and deflected every question thrown at him until eventually Cody gave up. He’s hardly spoken since, and as excited as Cody is for this new experience, he can’t help but worry over him.

Now he’s lying awake the night before they leave the only planet they’ve ever known, his mind swirling as he tries to figure out what to do. Does he try asking him again? Does he leave him alone until he wants to say something? Does he pretend things are normal? What does he do? How does he make 67 feel better?

He sighs and rolls over, pressing his face into the thin pillow. It feels like hours have passed by the time he decides it’s not even worth it to try sleeping; he’s too wired up to stay still for more than a minute. He presses a button and the pod slips out with a quiet hiss. He reaches blindly for the ladder and climbs down silently, so at least his restlessness won’t wake up the others.

Cody’s always thought the night, or as close to night as they get here, was always the most peaceful. It’s calm, no one’s around to catch him if he breaks the rules, and he doesn’t have to think. He can just sit down and let his mind wander off with the constant rain drowning out unnerving silence. Normally it helps, but this time is different.

He paces the narrow room for a while, unsure of what to do with himself. He could keep walking until he passes out, although he’s sure he’d give the others a heart attack by doing that. He could relax like he’d normally do, but he’s too hyped up for that. He sighs, defeated, and slumps to the floor, gently hitting his head against the wall.

“Fuck…” There’s a sharp gasp, and Cody jumps. He scrambles to his feet and looks around, but he can’t see anyone. “Uh, hello? Someone else up with me?” There’s no response. He tiptoes around the room, careful to keep quiet, looking for whoever’s awake with him and ready to punch them if need be.

It’s not long before stumbles upon the mystery brother, hidden behind a crate and curled up in the corner with a blanket. Cody can’t see well in the darkness, but he knows who it is as soon as he finds him, and he can immediately tell that something’s off. He wants to say something, but he hesitates; he doesn’t want to mess up. He sighs in relief and offers a smile instead.

“Hey 67.”

“Nebula…?”

“What?” 67 goes rigid instantly, and Cody feels his stomach drop. Shit, what did he do? “Wait, I--” He doesn’t get to finish his sentence; 67 bolts up and runs off before he can do anything. Cody’s left standing in the dark, his mind reeling as he stares at the spot that 67 disappeared into. His chest tightens and unease settles over him like a cloud. Something’s definitely wrong, but he has no idea what to do.


	2. Change

Cody feels sick. It’s not the good kind where you don’t feel great but you know there’s something good ahead. It’s the kind that makes you feel nauseous and want to curl up on the ground. Today’s supposed to be a great day, it’s his first time off Kamino after all, but he just can’t bring himself to jump around with the others and be excited about it.

The image of 67 curled up in that corner is still imprinted clearly in his mind. He had looked so small, so  _ broken _ , and it shook Cody to his core. He wants to ask what’s wrong, he wants to know and help, but he’s scared. He doesn’t want to be shut out like the others were; he doesn’t want to lose the brother he’s gotten to know.

He finds his chance to talk to him when 67 sits down onto the bench to wait out the chaos of the morning. Cody sits next to him, not too close but not too far, and waits in awkward silence for a bit. He just has to ask what’s wrong, or say sorry, or both. That’s all he has to do. He can do that.

“Hey, 67.” There’s no response. “Uh, about last night--”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Oh.

“I just wanted to say sorry.”

“I don’t care. I don’t wanna talk about it, at all.”

“Sorry…” he mumbles. So that’ll lead nowhere. “So, uh, I was thinking a bit, and I thought this mission might be a good chance for you to find a name. I mean, I have no idea where we’re going, but maybe there’s something there that sticks with you, or we find one you like. I have a couple in mind, like Stax, or Peko, or--”

“Can you stop?! I’ve already told you I don’t want a name. Many times, actually! But still, all you do is pester me about it, trying to give me one every other day. It’s exhausting! Just shut up! For the love of… everything! Shut up! I don’t want a name, and you’re wasting your breath trying to give me one! So stop. Leave me alone.”

“67--”

“Leave me alone!” Cody flinches back, and 67 walks to the edge of the room and drops to the floor.

Cody can’t find the words. There are none, really. He fucked up, he seriously fucked up, but he feels like 67 went and ripped out his heart. He doesn’t know if he wants to yell back at him, cry, or hit something, which makes him feel worse because he doesn’t want to do that to him. He’s hurting too.

“This is a fucking disaster…” He buries his head in his hands, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes to stop him from crying. What a fantastic mess he’s made, huh? Both of them are upset and they’re about to leave Kamino for the first time in their lives. A beautiful disaster ready to be sent up in flames.

“Hey Cody, you alright?” He rubs his eyes and looks up. Nova is standing above him, wearing a peaceful smile that doesn’t mask his worry.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a small disagreement.”

“Didn’t sound small. You sure you’re alright?”

“Positive.” He knows Nova doesn’t buy it, but their instructor walks in before he can say anything.

“Cadets, line up!” They scramble into two rows, excitement radiating off of them as they wait for instruction. Well, most of them. “Today is the day five of you leave Kamino. You’re excited, but don’t get cocky; a planet is  _ nothing _ like your simulations, despite what the Kaminoans try to say. This is serious, more so than any of the tests you’ve taken so far. Treat the mission with caution and respect and you’ll pass, but anything less and you might end up injured or dead. Am I understood?”

“Yes sir!” They chorus.

“Good. Jadek A, follow me. Jadek B, you’ll get your shot as soon as they return. You’re dismissed.” Half of the group trickles away, staying back but not too far back so they can watch as Cody’s squad follows the instructor out of the room.

Cody looks at the floor as they walk down the halls, growing farther and farther from the familiar cluster of rooms he’s spent all of his life in until now. Trip and Pin are whispering to each other in excitement ahead of him, their chatter echoing around in his head. It’s so loud, and Kamino is so quiet.

Except it’s not. The rain gets louder and louder and before he even realises it, Cody’s staring at a clear glass door that opens to a rainy world he’s heard of but hardly ever seen. He looks beyond the rain, at the ship on the landing pad, at the massive waves crashing against the stilted city. It’s all so much.

And then he steps outside. He’s never left Tipoca City. He’s never felt the rain that now soaks his hair and clothes, or the cold that seeps into his bones so quickly out here. He’s never smelled the salty air before, or felt the mist of a crashed wave that’s lightly dusting him. It’s so different, so new.

One day. One day is all it took for Cody to feel like he’s standing in a completely different world. He’s outside, actually outside, already completely soaked, but he can’t turn and jokingly complain to 67 because he isn’t at his side. Everything is changing, and he doesn’t know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the angst continues :)


	3. A Name

The planet is much calmer than Cody expected. Soft blades of grass reached their knees, bowing to the breeze. Birds dive and spin through the sky, their songs sailing behind them as the planet’s melody. The sky is blue instead of the stormy grey he saw on Kamino, and soft white clouds float through the sky. The file had also said that no animals on this planet attacked unprovoked. For all intents and purposes, it’s perfect, but Cody can’t shake himself out of his daze.

67 hasn’t said a word to him since their argument. Hasn’t even looked at him. Cody’s really trying to not let it get to him, but his heart hurts every time he looks in 67’s direction and sees him turned away. He’s only known him a year, not nearly as long as he’s known the others, but it felt more important than any other friendship he’s ever had. Maybe that’s why he feels lost without 67 at his side.

“Hey Cody, we’re putting you in charge.” Cody snaps from his mind and looks over at Nova.

“Huh?”

“You’re in charge. We can’t stop arguing over what to do, and, well, you’ve always been the best at figuring stuff out.”

“Yeah, true…”

“Hey, you doing alright?”

“Perfect,” he says, dodging the question. “Now come on, we need to look for shelter. We can survive without food, but no shelter and we might as well be a free meal. Follow me, looks like there should be something by the forest.” He ignores the concerned looks Nova, Trip, and Pin give him, putting himself at the front of the group and striding towards the trees in the distance. He’s in charge now, no time for worrying over personal matters. That can be saved for later, when he’s alone and not leading his brothers on their mission.

***

“So who’s taking watch?” The others groan, and Cody sighs. They’re huddled around a small fire in a cave that Pin found, happily eating the sweet berries they found as a treat. They were uninjured, safe, and had food in their stomachs; Cody couldn’t ask for a more successful first day. Still, now came the trouble of watch. It was always a battle in simulations, so now when it’s actually colder outside with possible predators, well… Cody has low hopes.

“Why don’t you do it?”

“Why put out your commander?”

“You should lead by example,” Trip says, flicking a berry at him and hitting him in the face.

“I see your point. But that means I can pick who goes next,” Cody answers with a sly grin.

“Ugh, fine. Now shushush, I’m going to sleep.”

“Put out the fire before. Don’t want you guys burning yourselves one day in.”

“Got it,” Trip says, saluting weakly as he falls backwards. Cody pushes himself up and walks to the mouth of the cave, turning back to make sure the fire’s out before dropping down outside.

He looks out at the field in front of him, the blades of grass dark against the speckled sky. He can hear the wind still gently rustling the grass, the only sound in the silent night. He’s never seen or heard anything like this before. It’s so different from Kamino, so calm. He feels like he can forget everything just sitting here, letting the world around him do what it’s always done for millennia.

His thoughts break when he hears someone walk out of the cave and sit down next to him, not too close but not too far. He knows who it is without even looking, and he freezes. He tries not to, but his mind is a whirlwind and he really doesn’t know what to do, so he freezes. He lets the seconds pass by in agonising silence before 67 speaks up.

“I’m sorry. I was a jerk. A complete jackass, really. I know you were just trying to make me feel better, and you didn’t know I was going to explode like that. You were being you, which is a good thing. I stuffed everything down until I burst because I wanted to ignore how I was feeling, and that’s not fair to you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I don’t want you to think I hate you, because I don’t.

“I just hide, and avoid, and bottle everything up because it hurts too much. That’s why I… it’s why I blew up. Because I hid from my own feelings and let myself get hurt by things you said that I didn’t even tell you hurt me. If that makes any sense. And I’m not trying to make excuses, not at all, but I figured I should tell you why I acted the way I did. I’ll be better, or at least try to be, I promise. I’m really, _really_ sorry Cody.”

He’s left speechless for a moment, his mind trying to catch up with words already swept away by the wind. He almost doesn’t understand what 67 said. It was the last thing he expected from him, not because 67 is mean or cruel, but because he didn’t realise that he even wanted an apology. Still, it doesn’t feel quite right. Cody can’t shove all of the blame onto 67, it’s not fair and it’s not true. He can’t do that.

“I’m sorry too. You didn’t tell me, but I should’ve picked up on the hints that you didn’t like what I was doing or saying. I sort of pushed it aside because… because I’m so used to joking around. I didn’t even stop to think that there might have been something deeper behind you refusing every name I’ve ever listed off, or being so closed about your training before. I always chalked it up to you having a bad experience because of, well, y’know… but I never actually asked you about it.

“I want to do better by you. I want you to know that… well that I care, and that I’d do anything for you. But, for you to know that, I have to ask, and I have to listen. So I’ll work on that, and we’ll figure this out together, yeah?” Cody finally turns to 67, and little gods he looks _exhausted_ , but what stands out is the faint smile he has. It’s hidden in the shadows of his face, but it’s unmistakable.

“Yeah, together. That sounds… nice.”

“It does.” The silence starts to wrap around them again, but there’s still a little bit of tension in the air. Both of them know what Cody’s going to say next, so he doesn’t wait and rips off the bandage. “So, uh, I still wanna know what happened last night. Did I do something, or catch you at a bad time, or…?”

“It… it was a bad time. But, I dunno. It happens a lot, I just don’t say anything about it.”

“Why not?”

“I feel… not weak, but… it hurts. It hurts a lot, and I don’t like to think about it because it hurts, but nighttime comes and it’s all I can think about and… it’s too much.” 67 curls up a little bit, looking at the ground. Cody waits, but when he says nothing else, he speaks.

“You feel vulnerable. I don’t blame you for that, it’s a scary thing. But, if it’s hurting you so much, why keep it to yourself?”

“It’s personal. I don’t want anyone knowing, I don’t want… I don’t know what I don’t want, but whatever it is I don’t want it.”

“Could you tell me?” 67 frowns and starts plucking at the grass. “I promise I won’t tell anyone. I know how to keep secrets. I just think it’d be good for you to tell someone. Let out the pain a little bit. I promise I won’t judge you for it.” 67 doesn’t say anything for a while, but Cody doesn’t push him. He waits patiently, letting the minutes tick by in silence until 67 shifts.

“It was a while ago. There was a brother I was really close to, we used to do everything together. I still remember so clearly the day we learned about command cadets. We were only three, and we were so fascinated by the group we saw. They were legends to us, older brothers we never saw that did so much and were the best of the best. And we wanted to be like them.

“My brother, he was so invested in it, he gathered every rumour he ever heard and stored it away somewhere in his brain to tell me late at night or during our free time. When he heard the rumour that CTs like us could be moved into command track, well… neither of us could pass up that opportunity. But I was scared at first, I didn’t want to get caught. So we studied, and studied, and studied because I was too scared to do anything else and he was so good that way, he would always make me feel safe…”

67 stops for a moment, and Cody nearly jumps in to comfort him, but he stops himself. Listen, let him speak, then talk. So he waits. 67 rubs his eyes and takes a shaky breath before continuing.

“But then, I don’t know what happened, I guess I got braver? So we would sneak out and watch the command cadets to learn from them, to get better ourselves so we could get in. We got caught one day. And, and I still remember _everything_. He stood up in my defense when the Kaminoan tried to blame me, he stayed by my side for as long as he could, sat with me, talked to me. He was the best person I’d ever known. The last thing he ever said to me was ‘you’re the best brother I could ask for. I love you so much.’ And then he was gone… they just, took him. He was gone, killed by them because he wasn’t good enough for them.

“And the only reason he wasn’t good enough was because he dared to have a name. He heard the command cadets had names, and he found one he liked to be like them. And he said he had a name so they wouldn’t take me… because he was just so good. He was perfect… but they killed him anyways…

“I still don’t get it. I don’t get why they took him and not me. Is a name really so much more dangerous than a hair colour? _I_ have an actual defect, he was just a kid with dreams. He did nothing wrong, and he was killed. I shouldn’t have been alive then, I shouldn’t be alive _now_ , yet I’m here and he’s gone forever. I… I don’t understand it. I don’t… he was so good… he was everything I wasn’t and more, he was such a nice person… and they killed him… Why did he have to die? Why did they have to take him from me? Why… why am… what did he, no, why, why why why _whywhy?_ ”

67 bursts into tears, sobbing hysterically as he asks ‘why’ over and over again and starts to pull at his hair. Cody feels his heart shatter at the sight, but he has no idea what to do. He’s never seen anyone like this before, and to see 67 so utterly broken hurts in a way he can’t even begin to describe.

He reaches out tentatively, gently putting a hand on his shoulder before 67 pulls himself into Cody to smother the tears. Cody wraps him up in his arms, rubbing his back in soothing circles and pressing his cheek to the top of his head.

He lets 67 cry until his voice is hoarse and there are no more tears left. He stays in Cody’s arms, still shaking from his hysterics and clinging desperately to Cody’s shirt. He lets the quiet envelop them, listening only to the rustle of grass and 67’s slowly steadying breaths. Cody waits for him to collect himself before even daring to touch the gaping wound.

“He’s who you called out for yesterday, isn’t he? Nebula?” 67 nods. “I’m so sorry 67. I’m sorry they took him from you, they never should have done that. And you were so young too. It’s not right. I’m sorry he’s gone.”

“You remind me a lot of him, you know,” 67 says, his voice a hoarse whisper. “And not just because you have the same voice. You’re kind like him too, and warm, and a little crazy but in a fun way. And you’re a good person. I feel like you two would have gotten along well.” There’s a pause, and Cody can see the sorrow creep back into 67’s face. “I miss him so much. He would have loved this more than anything. He loved the stars. All he wanted was to see them for himself. I got to, but…” The tears are back, silent now but shining in the moonlight. Cody waits.

“Maybe we can leave something here to honour him. A marker made of stones, or something placed where the best view of the night sky is.”

“Or a name.” 67 sniffles a little, wiping the tears away before continuing. “He picked one because it stood out to him and he just couldn’t wait, but I promised him I would pick one too when we made it to command track, because we were both so sure we’d get in. I’m here now, and I promised that to him. I think a name would be the best way.”

“If you’re sure…”

“I am. I want to keep my promise.” Cody nods.

“Do you have any in mind?”

“No…”

“Is it alright if I help?” There’s a pause, and for a moment Cody’s scared he’s overstepped again.

“Yeah. I’d really like that, thank you.”

“Of course. Give me a minute, I have to think of a couple. You should too.” 67 nods, and Cody starts filing through a list of every name he’s ever heard. When he sits and thinks about it, though, none really fit. They’re all either too long or way out of character with 67, and Cody knows this has to be important; he’s not going to botch this.

“Have any ideas?”

“No good ones. I’ll be honest, I’m kind of stuck.”

“Well, how did you find yours?”

“I found it in a book, there was a person named…” An idea springs into Cody’s mind, and he trails off as he follows after it. He has to search through a muddled memory, but he finds the name he was looking for. “I have an idea for you, tell me if you like it.”

“Okay?”

“Rex.” 67 gives him a confused look. “There are two meanings behind it. In old Basic, it means king, but there was a great warrior who’s name shortened to Rex as well. He was brave and determined, but he also cared deeply about those around him. I think between those two definitions, the name fits you well. What do you think?” 67 is silent for a moment, thinking it over for himself. Cody feels like his nerves are frayed, but he waits calmly.

“It feels a little weird. But, I like it. And I think Nebula would’ve liked it too.”

“I think so.” Rex cuddles closer to Cody, his head resting on Cody’s opposite shoulder as he holds his arms tight. Cody spares a peek and sees Rex smiling as he closes his eyes and starts to doze off.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hurt to write, but it feels so good to finish it. I feel really proud of this one. Come yell at me over on my tumblr, [@made-by-the-clone-wars](https://made-by-the-clone-wars.tumblr.com/)


End file.
